CTU = Worst Gub’ment Agency EVER!
Posted March 14, 2006 at 9:08 am by tronsta
After last night’s episode of 24, I realized two things. First, it should be renamed Squat Dat, since EVERYONE is getting squatted! Including Lynne, aka Samwizzle Gamgizzle, who went out in a blaze of glory. Secondly, CTU is by far the worst government agency ever. Why? Let’s just say when I worked in customer service and made calls to various corporations, I had a harder time getting into their buildings than these waterhead terrorists had getting into the CTU HQ. Oh by the way, what does CTU stand for? COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!? Let’s discuss how horrible they’ve failed at that title…
So let’s take a closer look at what happened. First, a terrorist with a Russian accent is allowed to walk into the building, why? He got Lynne’s keycard. So there’s our first flaw. All you need to get into the building is a keycard. No voice recognizing appliance, no kind of biometrics, no photo identification database, nothing. Lynne is one of the most powerful men in CTU, and when his keycard is used, NONE OF THE GUARDS SEEMS TO REALIZE IT’S NOT HIM!!! You gonna tell me the guards are so inept so as NOT to know what the vice president of their company looks like? Strike 1 and strike 2, CTU, inept guards and an inept identification system.
So next we have the terrorist moving freely around the building, no one stopping to ask him where he is going or what he is doing. No guards posted to the sub basement levels? The dangerously dark and secluded areas where someone could plant a bomb or something? NOPE! The whole thing would have been avoided if someone just said “Hey, where are you going?” As soon as that turd opened his mouth, they’d know he wasn’t legit. So we’ll file this along on strike 1, inept guards. But wait, there’s more!
The seals started breaking down. Ok, so the gas had acid in it. Hmm. I guess the geniuses that developed CTU’s fallback plan didn’t take into account that it’s highly possible, and likely, that people would make their poison gas ACIDIC. I mean I would, geez, who wouldn’t make their poison gas acidic? Now is that really a strike 3? Hmm. Debatable. Let’s go ahead and give CTU the benefit of the doubt and say no. But there’s one more good one.
Gas masks anyone? Of course we got gas masks! Oooooh right, they’re ALL in one place and that one place is exposed to the rest of the building, meaning we can’t get there. Sorry. Dude. Have you ever been in a hospital? There’s oxygen masks, eye washes, and emergency shower stations EVERYWHERE! But in CTU, the stylishly inept anti-terrorist agency, they have a group of gas masks on the other side of the building AWAY from the safe rooms. Nice job! A smarter thing to do would be to have placed gas masks in each of the PRE-PLANNED SAFE ROOMS! Dummies. Strike Thrizzle, CTU. And next week, you’re outta dere!
So why is CTU even worth recognizing? Well, it really isn’t. Aside from the few stars of the agency (Chloe, Jack, Curtis, etc) CTU is a waste of space and I was happy to see next week, it will be dismantled and taken over. Woohoo!
Here’s a list of people I hope bite the big one on the show:
1) Kim Bauer - I know you’re sad and all, but um, your dad is the NUMBER ONE AGENT IN THE COUNTRY!!! Get off yourself, blondie. Yeah yeah you wanted to die when you heard your father was killed, yeah yeah your 40 year old shrink helped you get back on your feet yeah yeah yeah. When your dad needs you the most, you turn your back on him. AND you admit it’s not his fault things have been going the way they’ve been going. A typical spoiled brat. Waaah, Russian terrorists get all your attention, daddy, waaaah. Bump her couch. She’s squat numero uno para mi!
2) The Shrink - Anyone who backtalks to Jack Bauer needs a dirt nap. Case closed.
3) President Logan - Spineless, whiny, and otherwise inept at running the country. Take him out. NOW.
4) Paul Weller - Ok yeah I can never remember his character’s name, but we all know who he is. That dude is hardcore, a great villain! But needs to get it, and get it BAD. Like Benicio Del Toro at the end of License to Kill. Meat grinder dat.
Such a crazy show.
March 14th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
Misteh frodo, Misteh Frodo, Mist– *Master Chief dying sound effect*
March 14th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
I’m behind on my episodes. Ugh. I’ll just say: this show is impossible and awesome. I’ve accepted it. Peter Weller owns you. So, anyway, is Samwise dead? How did he die?
March 14th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Yeah man, he bit it. But he went out like a true hero. CTU was flooded with poison gas and the only way to save the survivors was for him to willingly sacriface himself. So he did, and died willingly. Gave me some new respect for him, since he did it without hesitation.
Of course, one might say he did it because he had no reason to live. His sister had been murdered, CTU was bombed because he didn’t tell anyone that he lost his key card, and he was removed from power because of incompetency. I would have done the same lol.
March 14th, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Yeah, y’know, I figured he’d HAVE to go out like that. To validate his appearance. It would suck if he was a tool and then he died like a baish, wouldn’t it? I knew he’d go out like a hero. Atta-way, Lynne.