January « 2006 « SquatSquat.com

Archive for January, 2006

Squatworthy – Bloodrayne: The Movie

Tuesday, January 31st, 2006

Squatworthy, our latest new feature on squatsquat.com, highlights things in the media which either got 0wned or deserve to be. Think of Squatworthy as our version of the Bat Signal–A herald to the Squatters of the world to join us in the fight against things that Suxx0rs.

It’s purely coincidental that our first Squatworthy highlights something video game related–Bloodrayne: The Movie. Bloodrayne, which cost around $50 million to make and promote, has only grossed an embarrassing $2.4 million in three weeks!

Not having seen the film, I can’t go into detail about what made it flop, but from a quick look at IMDB, I can think of three reasons.

It’s based on a video game. (Sad but true)
Uwe Boll came within 50 feet of it.
The femme fatale main character was played by someone who looks like they belong in your high school yearbook.

The people have spoken with their dollar, and Bloodrayne will go down in history as yet another substandard video game adaptation. We can only hope this disaster will keep other, more beloved, game franchises from suffering the same fate.

Read

Leeched from Joystiq

Posted in Features, Movies, Squatworthy | No Comments »

Getting Lost – Episode 2.12 “Fire plus Water”

Thursday, January 26th, 2006

On this week’s episode of “I’ve just LOST another hour of my life”, Charlie’s losing his mind and having weird dreams about Claire’s baby being in danger. But is he taking those drugs? Is he having withdrawals from not taking them? His dreams seemed Island-induced; Are they? Who Knows!

Charlie’s dreams lead to him causing a fire as a diversion so he can grab the baby and baptize him. For this, Locke gives him an unwarranted, yet squatworthy, beatdown on the beach.
(more…)

Posted in Completely Unrelated, Getting Lost, TV, Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Beatmania coming to PS2 for the USA… finally

Wednesday, January 25th, 2006

Since 1997, Konami has been making rhythmic music games which have been nick-named Bemani games. What I didn’t know is that the Title “Bemani” comes from Konami’s first game they released of it’s type. It was called Beatmania, and it was, and still is, a wildly popular title.

If this is all news to you, you’re not alone since Beatmania has never been on a console in the US. As a matter of fact, if it wasn’t for an arcade in my area that specializes in imported arcade Bemani games, I probably would’ve never seen it.

Beatmania’s controls simulate a beat box and DJ turntable, and while I never quite got the hang of the controls, I could tell from watching others that it’s a lot of fun to play.

The game has been completely visually overhauled from the 1997 arcade version. It’s been given a facelift to match other games in the series, like Dance Dance Revolution.

Beatmania makes it’s US Debut in March 2006.

BTW — Prepare to get 0wned, It’s harder than guitar hero.

Posted in Music games, Playstation 2 | No Comments »

Splinter Cell Essentials sneaking to the PSP

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006

Siphon Filter, Schmifon Filter. Splinter Cell Essentials is coming to the PSP and once it does, you’re not going to care who Gabriel Logan is.

So far this game is looking great. It will be both a sequel and a prequel, with some missions occuring long before the first game and some that take place where Splinter Cell: Double Agent leaves off.

Ubisoft seems to really want to revitalize Splinter Cell’s storyline, which has never really been that gripping. It’s good to see that they’re tying in the PSP title into the overall plot, since most PSP games tend to ditch the storyline.

The game, which runs on a modded version of the PS2’s Pandora Tomorrow engine, looks fantastic. Just look at the gameplay footage, and try to convince yourself it isn’t from a PS2.

Gamespot has lots of info on the title, which is due out Q1 2006.

Read

Posted in Action, PSP, Portable, Wireless | 11 Comments »

Why the Gizmondo and every other all-in-one gaming device fails

Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

I’m always one to root for the underdog, especially when the underdog is a company promising an awesome all-in-one Gaming-PDA-GPS-Phone.

So when Tiger Telematics announced the release of the Gizmondo, you would think that I would be drooling in anticipation. Well, I wasn’t–and evidently not very many others were either, since the device appears to be quickly going the way of the Dodo.

So what has led to the failure of yet another convergence gaming device? Well, it’s creators simply failed to learn from history–recent history. Within the last couple of years, two other companies, Tapwave & Nokia, attempted to break into the same market, with varying degrees of failure. We’ll take a look at the Nokia N-gage and the Tapwave Zodiac next.
(more…)

Posted in Articles, PDA/Smartphone, Portable, Wireless | 1 Comment »

Getting Lost – Episode 2.11 “The Hunting Party”

Thursday, January 19th, 2006

This week’s episode of “That Castaways Show” featured tons of Jack, a little bit of The Others, and zero of Michael.

While I found it to be a little dissatisfying, I can see they’re leading up to something better. Actually, just the preview for next week seemed more exciting that the whole episode itself!

As usual, the discussion at TV Squad on this week’s LOST shindig was very enlightening

LOST: The Hunting Party

I thought I was the only one who noticed that German Luger. I wasn’t.

Talk amongst yah-selves…

Posted in Completely Unrelated, Getting Lost, TV | 14 Comments »

Guitar Hero 1337ness

Wednesday, January 18th, 2006

Wiggy and I are pretty 1337 at Guitar Hero. There… I said it. I can’t really say it about any other game so give me a break and let me toot my own horn a little, okay?

There are a bunch of vids of people playing Guitar Hero on the web. I think we’re better than a bunch of them. This guy, however, completely 0wns us!

Guitar Hero: Cowboys from Hell – Expert
- (Google Video link)

I Totally leeched this vid from Wiggy who emailed me the link

Posted in Music games, Playstation 2 | 3 Comments »

My uber-micro has suffered

Tuesday, January 17th, 2006

So my latest addiction you ask? Starcraft: Brood War. (sorry, I don’t have a pic. Google dat.) Despite being almost 10 years old, this classic RTS is still entertaining and has a decent sized online community to boot. Unfortunately, I got pwned all day yesterday. I used to be good at Warcraft….key words: used to.

So what is this uber-micro you may ask? Once again the fine folks over at Pure Pwnage have coined a phrase that Team Squat has adopted. Hopefully that above link to wikipedia worked, so you can read a more technical description. Yet, it still can’t capture the hilarious movement that Pure Pwnage has associated with the term:

Got teh micro?

Posted in Culture, FPS, Humor, Online, PC, Strategy | 8 Comments »

Pwnd by Parrot

Tuesday, January 17th, 2006

I thought this deserved a spot on SquatSquat.Com:

Man finds out about affair from his parrot.

So the parrot pretty much squatted the infidelious (be that such a word?) girlfriend. Which of course leads to yet another squat…The Pwnd By Parrot Squat, also known as Squak Dat, haha.

Worst part about this story? The owner of the parrot had to part with it since it wouldn’t stop calling the name of his girlfriend’s secret lover. That stinks. Though methinks a parrot would be a good way of keeping tabs on a house wife. Muaha.

Posted in Completely Unrelated, Humor | 3 Comments »

Uwe, step away from the Metal Gear script!

Monday, January 16th, 2006

Joystiq reports that Uwe Boll, the man responsible for several recent floaters in the hollywood toilet bowl (Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark), has been given a copy of the official Metal Gear movie script.

Despite his less than sterling reputation among movie-goers, someone must like him since most video game to movie adaptations land in his lap these days. Lets hope that he doesn’t get his hands on Metal Gear.

Personally, I don’t find the idea of a Metal Gear movie that exciting. The games, while very cinematic in their presentation, depend largely on the immersive gameplay to draw you into the story. With the exeption of MGS3:Snake Eater, if you remove the gameplay, than you’re left with a pretty wacked out story of secret societies, espionage, and cloning.

However, take Kojima out of the picture and throw Uwe Boll in and the movie loses all hope of being anything but a bomb

So, the only thing left to consider is:

Will this movie be similar in craptitude or worse than — [Insert Dolph Lundgren Movie Title Here]?