So don’t even act like you haven’t been in this situation before: you’re in the middle of an AWESOME game, and when I say awesome, it can mean either you’re playing the best you’ve ever played and/or you’ve reached a part of the game you’ve never been too and/or you finally got to fight the end boss in Leisure Suit Larry. You’re so into the game you don’t even release the growing strain upon your bladderrifics, or your bungcover, or your testiclots. But then, while a new level is loading, BAM! It hits you. You gotta go, and now.

Now, this is where many people differ, and everyone has their own ways of handling said situation. Here’s a few ways I’ve heard people handle The Game versus The Bathroom dilemma:

1) Denial - It ain’t a lie if you believe it! Straight up deny that knock at the door and guess what, they’re ain’t nobody there! This is a great way to hold the gates while engaged in a vigorous game that requires tons of concentration since you can pretty much do this by instinct most of the time. Just don’t be surprised if you find yourself sitting on crack cakes smothered in lemon rain.

2) The Sway - This is a real nice one and I remember this being amazingly effective when I was 8 years old. Techniques vary, but I’m a fan of the Stevie Wonder sway side to side. This rolling movement helps to keep the pipes locked down and actually can alleviate some of the pain involved. But care is needed, because rocking TOO hard to lead to a few loose squirts.

3) Jibba Jabba - I tend to do this one too though it isn’t very effective. This one is more of a psychological fix than anything else. You babble out loud and in tongues, making little to no sense, though most people do this while playing video games even when they DON’T have to go. I caught myself talking to my inner waste one time. The conversation went something like this:

Tronsta: “Uh oh, you’re back aren’t you!”
Inner Waste: “….”
Tronsta: “Oh no, no you are NOT going to ruin this for me!”
Inner Waste: “….”
Tronsta: “NO! NO! Back off! BACK OFF!”
Inner Waste: “….*rumble*….”
Tronsta: “Ok, ok, ok, you…piece of crap!”
Inner Waste: “PWNAGE!”

That was the gist of it. Anywho…

4) Just Get Your Fat Butt Up and Hit the Head - A very underrated solution, but it seems to be fairly effective at relieving that strain on the groinal section.

Got any tried and true methods to share?

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